There’s a myth that only women are self-conscious about their physical appearance. That’s definitely not the truth, and you can make a compelling case that men actually have more issues about appearance than their female counterparts.
Men frequently have a need to ‘compartmentalize’ appearance and label people–male and female–‘attractive’ or ‘ugly’. That’s the only explanation for why the notion that pretty women might be interested in anything other than physical appearance is so mind-blowing to many men.
If you consider yourself ugly, you may think that getting a hot girlfriend is totally out of the realm of possibility. But is that really the case?
Popular relationship products for men, like the Girlfriend Activation System, say no. GFAS suggests that by developing a certain set of characteristics women are genetically programmed to respond to, even bald, fat, ugly, nerdy, and socially awkward men can still attract and date hot women. WonderWarp.com has a great article about the Girlfriend System you should check out if you want to become the type of guy women, and especially hot women, are naturally attracted to.
You’re Not In High School Anymore
The reality is that once you leave high school you’ll never again have to worry about where you are on the polarizing continuum of physical attractiveness. Most people find this liberating, but the type of people that ‘peaked’ in high school find this uncomfortable, if not downright disturbing.
In the adult world, you’re expected to have a lot more going for you than just good looks. That’s good news for most of us but not for the stunted adolescent. He longs for the simple duality of teenage years where people are categorically ‘handsome’ or ‘ugly’ and ‘popular’ or ‘unpopular’.
To put it another way, once you reach a certain point in life, you can get a hot girlfriend even if you’re ugly because the women you’re hoping to attract are looking for a much more complex set of qualities than just physical appearance. In fact, just fretting too much over your appearance is unattractive to most women because it implies a lack of confidence and immaturity.
So What Do Women Really Want?
While it’s risky to generalize about an entire gender, once a woman reaches adulthood she places far greater emphasis on a man’s personality than his appearance.
The individual components of personality that are especially attractive to women are confidence, maturity, responsibility, intelligence, competence, and a sense of humor. You need to take care of yourself, of course, and good dress and grooming habits never hurt anyone. That notwithstanding, physical attractiveness is simply not an issue once you get past adolescence.
A good indication that a man is developmentally stunted and still ‘stuck in high school’ is his inability to get beyond the false syllogism of ‘attractive’ and ‘ugly’. He’ll insist that the only way that an ‘ugly’ man can land an ‘attractive’ girlfriend is with money, power, influence, etc.
Those things never hurt, of course, but to some degree they’re all a function of personality–intelligence, work ethic, competence, etc. Our overgrown high school jock might not like the fact that spending all day in the gym has a ‘point of diminishing returns’ from a social perspective, but that’s the reality of human nature.
The less time you spend worrying about your appearance and your inherent attractiveness to women, the better. Instead, work on yourself socially, intellectually, emotionally–follow whatever passions interest you and chart your own course in life. A successful, experienced, and confident man will have much more appeal to a woman than a ‘pretty boy’ who has no interests beyond working out and ‘picking up chicks’.
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